I haven’t written anything in quite a while. Have you wondered why? So have I. Could it be laziness? How about writer’s block? Maybe thoughts that my readers have lost interest and why bother? Maybe some kind of depression?

Between 25 and 30 years ago I found myself driving home on Rockaway Turnpike by Kennedy airport and sobbing. I could not put my finger on why but I managed to dial my psychiatrist’s phone number and speak with her enough to be calmed and reassured that there was something that could be done.

That was my first dance with Prozac. It lasted for some time but eventually I fell to what the doctor called “prozac poop out” and I was started on another medicine.

All this comes to mind now because I have just started medicating again. There was no sobbing this time just a generally less than stellar feeling.

A quick review of current circumstances revealed that there was plenty of evidence of cause for situational depression but, in fact, my life is pretty good. Given that, the cause being chemical rises to the top.  Hence the thought to turn to medicine.

Discussion with my therapist, family members and friends ended with a decision with some warnings.  Primary among those warnings was the historical fact that psychoactive medicines have a quick and sometimes deleterious effect on users, particularly me. Secondary was my recollection that prozac had successfully achieved in the past a reduction in the intensity of my feelings. That became undesirable and eventually resulted in my cessation of such meds.

Trying again, lo these many years later, quickly resulted in a feeling of instability. Daily dosing became every other day without this unpleasant side effect.

There is lots to know about SSRIs and other antidepressants. I would say, here, that they do have a utility, a value for improving one’s outlook.  But as I learned years ago, it’s not for everybody all the time.

This antidepressant clearly takes the edge off as evidenced my reportedly more pleasant (or perhaps less depressed) demeanor of late.  It has not been long enough to know whether such effect might be lasting but time will tell.

*Photo by Myriam Zilles on Unsplash

You can contact Ken at Ken@leavingwest83rdstreet.com

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